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Dial S for Shane, by Dane Crandon
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Man Australia advises that the following is a humorous
article on Shane Warne, and has nothing but respect
and admiration for the great Shane Warne. Media Man
Australia was also delighted to have played a small
part in the Messages On Hold - Markson Sparks - Shane
Warne media campaign in late 2005. A public thank
you to Shane Warne, Max Markson and Kym Illman for
being good sports. Pleasure to do business gentlemen.
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Dial S for Shane
"He's
not the messiah, he's a very naughty boy." So
said a high-pitched Terry Jones, Brian's ugly mum
of Monty Python's classic Life of Brian. And this
line could so well apply to the man with the versatile
fingers: six ounces of leather in one gifted hand
and mobile in the risqué other. Shane Keith
Warne.
His
arrival on the turf was limp. In 1992, Ravi Shastri
the Indian allrounder, now TV commentator, smacked
Warne's debut deliveries to all parts of the Sydney
Cricket Ground. Twas an ordinary beginning. And so
was Bradman's. The Don responded and so did Warne.
His resolve stiffened and so did his confidence and
results.
For
over a decade, the West Indians had dominated cricket
and boy did they send down a mean ball. Malcolm Marshall,
Michael Holding, Joel Garner, Colin Croft, Andy Roberts,
Wayne Daniel, Courtney Walsh. The right-armed missiles
from these destroyers sank the opposition and almost
drowned the game in a sea of bouncers. Over rates
were abysmal. Test matches were dreary affairs. Five
days of fast bowlers slowly drudging to their long
mark tested the patience of the yawning public. Calypso
crowds excepted; they cheered alone.
And
then along he came.
His
skills were a revelation. Traditionalists craving
for the revival of the almost lost art of wrist spin
likened his arrival to that of the messiah. Hallelujah!
The ball spat and spun and turned and bounced and
fizzed. A joy to watch. He was (and still is) a rare
cricketing beast. Theodolitic accurate with ability
to turn the leather a foot. Unheard of. The purists
loved him and so did an admiring legion of new fans
drawn to his blonde haired magnetism, larrinkin charisma
and ripsnorting flipper. Of course, the bewildered
bats trying to combat the magical array of spinning
tricks vehemently tried to block his popularity. Most
failed. Just ask Daryl Cullinan.
The
world was at SK Warne's white boots.
World's
have been known to crumble. The hordes from the north
finally breached the walls of Rome, Nazi Germany was
sandwiched under the combined armies of the east and
west, and The British Empire once a global superpower
is now a puppet of the Bush administration. Each rose
and fell. And so has Shane.
Having
conquered the game and the spectators, he couldn't
conquer himself. A sequence of accusations and wrong
doings has tainted his name. His messiah image, long
since lost in the desert of indiscretion, now appears
ready for crucifixion.
Hard
on the high heels of a goodnight-kiss-seeking Brisbane
teenager and "hairy-backed" (nice one Hookesy)
South African mum, a Melbourne dancer has thrown her
harrassed hat into the all-comers ring. And there's
more. Fuelling the growing flame, a former Australian
Cricket Board marketing employee revealed the leg
spinner's behaviour precipitated almost daily public
complaints. Barely standing, has this last hit found
the chin and sent a targeted Warne to the canvas of
cricket oblivion? Further punches?
I
met the man once. It was mid 1990's and I was wetting
the lips at a Coogee pub. The blonde bamboozler, one
of the biggest names in Australian cricket was sinking
a few ales too. Unlike many of this country's sporting
fraternity - staccato-mouthed fighters full of self-promotion,
retired boxers full of lip and always with entourage,
scores of rugby league first graders and red headed
commentators take note - his ego wasn't floating in
the clouds. Down-to-earth, likeable and approachable,
well behaved and unassuming, Warne came across as
a decent bloke.
Sadly,
the recent finger pointing suggests otherwise.
Nietzsche
said it right: "Truth is ugly." If the truth
does surface and if the sexual allegations are solid
then we all know who's been a very naughty boy, don't
we.
Dane
Crandon ©
Websites
(added in 2005)
Shane
Warne Foundation
Messages
On Hold
Markson
Sparks!
Links:
Two
Men and a Coffee Shop, by Dane Crandon - 14th August
2003
Greg
Tingle interviews Dane Crandon - 14th August 2003
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